I recently released an album called Cleaning My Ears and it's prolly the best thing I've ever made. All the work I did when figuring out pacing, mixing, songwriting and pretty much every other aspect of making an album has culminated into something as emotionally punchy and weezery ozma wah wah I'm so sad core as I wanted it to be. Are there things I would've changed? Holy shit yeah. My voice on a few songs and some of my performances were pretty off, the solos at the end of Audible Stupidity and To We come to mind. Either way, I did my best. I also sorta regret not keeping up with the album vlogs but to be fair it let me focus more on actually locking in so pgofithgodftih
Proud as hell about the promo video too, relearned After Effects in about two weeks to make it. I'm a little pissed it got no views cuz I was hoping it'd do at least a lil better but hey what can ya do. Youtube certainly didn't help thing tho I won't lie, like dawg wdym these are the only videos recommending it whattt.
Also really excited for the CDs!!! I did a bunch of cool bonus shit with it that I didn't need to but did anyways cuz who's stopping me mwahahah. Some artwork by Joe, Marco, along with a bunch of doodles by me that I'm really happy with. I got permission by Jerry P to put Nixon Bubble in the inside sleeve which is baller!! I'm still sad I didn't get a response form Ljot Swanhild though... no large creature :(((
Nothing is more exciting then getting to actually release something, probably because it almost never happens. There were so many times where I genuinely did not want to keep working on it because I didn't see the result being anything anyone other than me and 2 of my friends would want to listen to. Whether it was me on the drumset sweating my ass off, trying to sing a really high note while hearing my family laugh from downstairs, or making a thousand different mixes of the same song, the pressure and expectations I put on myself left me feeling pretty bummed about even the thought of releasing the album. It felt like a waste of time, waste of money, waste of energy, and worst of all a waste of good songs that meant a lot to me.
But regardless, I kept pushing, I kept recording, refining, eventually coming to terms with my limits, seeing where and how I can push them a little further without destroying myself anymore than I already had. I wanted to show these songs in the best way they can possibly be, even if that only includes me and a handful of people. Though a large part of me still wishes for an extra week or two to tweak things, to me this album is still perfect. Not because it is perfect or that there aren't things I wouldn't change, but because it does everything it needs to. This album is me, and all the emotions I faced during its production both in and outside of the production itself. Even after my 1000th listen, after the fatigue of working and the linger self-doubt have subsided, I can remember what I felt when I first strummed that A chord and sang the chorus of Allergic. Though hard to articulate, that feeling is important. Which I guess in someway, makes me feel important too.
I know for a fact whoever the hell is reading this has some kind of creative thing they find to be important to themselves. I'm not gonna tell ya to finish it now or grind for a year on a passion project that'll get 98 streams on Spotify. All I suggest, is that you cherish that feeling. That excitement, that desire to express and create something representative of whatever funny brain worms you have, embrace that, see where it'll take you.
Again, it ain't required for creative happiness or fulfillment BUT, if you do decide to take up the mantel of creative ambition, I have a quote from Extra Credits' "So You Want To Be an Animator" video (back when they were cool) that's floated around the back of my head for a while now.
"You will never reach the top climbing this mountain, because there is no top. You'll see a ledge above you that looks like the top from where you are, but once you finally get yourself up there... that's when you'll see the next cliff face waiting ahead. So just take a moment to celebrate how far you've come, and then start climbing again."
I hope to see y'all climbing along with me :)
Here's the album if you haven't already listened to it. It's also on Spotify and Apple Music and all the other places whatever who cares lolololol.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUd-XyOMmQU&list=OLAK5uy_krLqJr6zGPFK-iCHU91HA4usk_y78v6SY
